Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
