Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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