It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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