Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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