Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
