Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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