My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
