i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
