I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
