Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
