just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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