Porn is love you can see.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
