she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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