I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
