today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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