babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize