Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
