Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
