took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
