Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I forget how to act sober
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
