I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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