Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
