yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
