An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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