and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
