rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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