We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
