I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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