Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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