I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
50% drunk capacity currently
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
