There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
try to milk me bitch
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