You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
