OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
