Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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