i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
