yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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