I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
