I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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