You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
