The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
