I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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