Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
