he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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