NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
