Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize