Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
