feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
