I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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