I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
