i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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