Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And then he peed in my hair
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