I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
