so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
