ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
