Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
