you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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