I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
