he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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