omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
