i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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