ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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