you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
