He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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